Dear Sister,
I got a glimpse of how you'll be as a mother a few weeks ago while we were traveling. No, not wether you'll choose to breastfeed or formula feed. Not if you'll cloth diaper or use disposables. Not if you'll decide to do baby led weaning or spoon-feed out of a jar. These are all certainly decisions that will inevitably have to be made, but that's not what I saw. I got to see your motherhood spirit, the thing about us that our children will always remember.
 |
| Aunt Kiki and Leighton on her birthday |
As we were laying in that hotel bed with Harper snuggled between us she couldn't get over how fabulous it was that we were having a slumber party. You were on your side and no doubt exhausted from our day (I know I was). Harper was insistent that she must play with you and started tickling your neck. I, not wanting her to bother you, whispered, "No, Aunt Kiki wants to go night night now".
I didn't expect what happened next. You pulled down the covers and said, "BOO!" tickling her as she giggled in baby bliss. She sighed with delight, the kind of sigh that only happens when you surely can't laugh anymore and your soul is so filled up with love you might explode. I'll never forget the look of satisfaction and joy on my daughters face. That moment lasted maybe 5 minutes, but it no doubt meant the world to her.
As I drifted to sleep that night I couldn't help but think about how many times I've been so wrapped up in what I needed to do when she went to bed, that I missed an opportunity like this. How many times did she just want one more cuddle, one more giggle, one more baby babble conversation, or one more kiss? How many times have I allowed the suffocation of tasks that overwhelm all mothers and missed out on the joy of what being a mother is all about?
 |
| Aunt Kiki and my nephew Alex |
You made me a better mother that night and I'm sure you didn't know it. You weren't trying to make me feel any sort of way. You were just being you. The beautiful person that you are, who can make anyone laugh, even on their saddest day. Now, each night when I'm rocking my sweet girl to sleep and she looks up and starts to smile, I don't say "shh, it's time for sleep". I give her just one more of whatever it is that she needs to fill up her love piggy bank for that day. And you know, it fills mine up too.
I've often wondered what type of mother you'll be. Sure, I've seen small glimpses here and there, but that night really struck me. You will be the kind of mom who slides down the slides with your children rather than observing from a far, you'll tell fantastical stories, you'll giggle at their first attempts at knock-knock jokes even when you can't possibly decipher what's so funny, and you'll play peek-a-boo at 10 o' clock at night just one last time if it's needed. When it'd take you 10 minutes to whip up a famous batch of chocolate chip cookies, you'll take the extra 20 to include your little. You're gonna build forts when dishes need to be done. I know you're going to play dress-up, sit for hours having tea parties, and have dance in your pj's in the kitchen just to see them laugh. You my sister are going to be a wonderful mother!
 |
| Harper and Leighton watching dance videos in the fort you built them |
I often try to do everything, but when my baby started to become a toddler things got a little hairy for a while. Don't lose this about yourself, hold onto it with everything. On the days that you're worried about a million little things, this is the thing that will keep you grounded and make you fall in love with your child all over again.
Thank you for reminding me, even though you weren't trying.
Love,
Your older sister
