Dear Sister

I know that I rarely post and my blog is more like an every three month update, BUT something has been on my mind. I simply must write about it. It's a letter to my sister, but I don't mind it being public because she's awesome. 

Dear Sister, 

I got a glimpse of how you'll be as a mother a few weeks ago while we were traveling. No, not wether you'll choose to breastfeed or formula feed. Not if you'll cloth diaper or use disposables. Not if you'll decide to do baby led weaning or spoon-feed out of a jar. These are all certainly decisions that will inevitably have to be made, but that's not what I saw.  I got to see your motherhood spirit, the thing about us that our children will always remember. 

Aunt Kiki and Leighton on her birthday

As we were laying in that hotel bed with Harper snuggled between us she couldn't get over how fabulous it was that we were having a slumber party. You were on your side and no doubt exhausted from our day (I know I was). Harper was insistent that she must play with you and started tickling your neck. I, not wanting her to bother you, whispered, "No, Aunt Kiki wants to go night night now". 

I didn't expect what happened next. You pulled down the covers and said, "BOO!" tickling her as she giggled in baby bliss. She sighed with delight, the kind of sigh that only happens when you surely can't laugh anymore and your soul is so filled up with love you might explode. I'll never forget the look of satisfaction and joy on my daughters face. That moment lasted maybe 5 minutes, but it no doubt meant the world to her.

As I drifted to sleep that night I couldn't help but think about how many times I've been so wrapped up in what I needed to do when she went to bed, that I missed an opportunity like this. How many times did she just want one more cuddle, one more giggle, one more baby babble conversation, or one more kiss? How many times have I allowed the suffocation of tasks that overwhelm all mothers and missed out on the joy of what being a mother is all about?

Aunt Kiki and my nephew Alex

You made me a better mother that night and I'm sure you didn't know it. You weren't trying to make me feel any sort of way. You were just being you. The beautiful person that you are, who can make anyone laugh, even on their saddest day. Now, each night when I'm rocking my sweet girl to sleep and she looks up and starts to smile, I don't say "shh, it's time for sleep". I give her just one more of whatever it is that she needs to fill up her love piggy bank for that day. And you know, it fills mine up too. 

I've often wondered what type of mother you'll be. Sure,  I've seen small glimpses here and there, but that night really struck me. You will be the kind of mom who slides down the slides with your children rather than observing from a far, you'll tell fantastical stories, you'll giggle at their first attempts at knock-knock jokes even when you can't possibly decipher what's so funny, and you'll play peek-a-boo at 10 o' clock at night just one last time if it's needed. When it'd take you 10 minutes to whip up a famous batch of chocolate chip cookies, you'll take the extra 20 to include your little. You're gonna build forts when dishes need to be done. I know you're going to play dress-up, sit for hours having tea parties, and have dance in your pj's in the kitchen just to see them laugh. You my sister are going to be a wonderful mother!

Harper and Leighton watching dance videos in the fort you built them

I often try to do everything, but when my baby started to become a toddler things got a little hairy for a while. Don't lose this about yourself, hold onto it with everything. On the days that you're worried about a million little things, this is the thing that will keep you grounded and make you fall in love with your child all over again.

Thank you for reminding me, even though you weren't trying.

Love,

Your older sister

10 Things

It's been FOREVER since I last posted. Motherhood is not an easy thing to tackle I tell ya. Anyhow, I was just putting my lovely down for a late nap and as I listened to her breathe on my chest I had a thought. I had this impulse to tell her 10 things I love about her, then I decided I'd write it out for her baby book, and then I decided I'd also blog about it. And finally, I thought why not start this as a tradition. Why not for the rest of our time together don't I just stop what I'm doing to tell her just 10 things? So I'm doing it. I held her for a few seconds longer before laying her down and whispered these next 10 things into her soft, little tendrils of hair.

1.) I love how you look at me seconds before you do something that requires bravery and then you take off. It shows you trust me and that you're looking to make sure I don't miss a thing.

2.) I love how even at almost a year old you can detect my emotion. And in the moment that I give in to  how tough it can be sometimes and cry a little that you crawl over and lay your head on my knee. It wills me to pick myself up and keep going, to keep trying.

3.) I love how you play with your hair right before you fall asleep. I did that. I still do.

4.) I love the sound of your giggle. I would choose that sound over any other sound in the entire world. I'm even willing to bump my head on the table and say "OUCH" to hear it. 

5.) I love the way you pat my back when I hug you. 

6.) I love that you love to dance. I see many dance parties in our future.

7.) I love that you'll still let me stroke your face when you're upset and it soothes you.

8.) I love how beautiful and intelligent you are.

9.) I love that you "sing" to the music in the car.

10.) I love that you don't always go with the flow, are a bit difficult, and know what you want. You don't always and won't always get your way, but I always want you to have tenacity. It gives you character.